Thursday, April 16, 2009

Towards a world-wide consensus for the nomenclature of eggs fried in oil

The Kellogg-Emerson International Consortium for Egg Systematics

When carefully dropped in hot oil, fresh fowl eggs spread their white around the sturdier yolk. The white, formerly colourless and viscose, readily coagulates into a solid white matter due to denaturing albumins. If the egg is removed from the heating source at this stage, the yolk remains orange-yellow and liquid, due to its high content in lipids, allowing a wide range of further manipulations, such as bread-dipping, vampire-biting, or vacuum-kiss sucking. This outstanding phenomenon, highly reproducible, is one of the most recurrent visions in starving people world-wide, an important cause of high cholesterol levels in non-starved individuals, and a common nightmare for common farm hens (Gallus gallus) and akin, especially for those with utter maternal instincts. Despite of its capital interest to mankind, a consensus for an internationally accepted nomenclature for this phenomenon has remained elusive and an issue of controversy. The Kellogg-Emerson International Consortium for Egg Systematics (KE-ICES), presided by the Indonesian researcher Lympyathe Kesthasdewevo, during its annual meeting and egg festival in Burgo de Osma, stated the relevance of agreeing on a final decision on the term. Although a perfectly round name has not come out of the shell yet, important progresses were made: “Sunny side up”, proposed by the American committee, was regarded as absurd by most of the other members. Etymological arguments on the resemblances of the yolk with the star in our solar system found the opposition of the Japanese Committee, who claimed plagiarism of national values represented by their flag. The Eastern European Committee defended the term “Volske Oko” (literally wolf’s eye), but it was disregarded for it could be not pronounced with the mouth full. Similar criticisms were met by “Ochsenaugen” (Oxen’s Eye, proposed by the German committee), that was also considered disgustingly non-inviting. “Oeuf sur le plat” and “Uovo al Tegamino” were considered too boring. “Ovo estrelato”, the Portuguese proposal, was seriously considered, given its poetically evocating phonetics when pronounced with a Brazilian accent, but it was subsequently discarded when the Consortium learned that it meant “smashed egg”, an alleged blasphemous combination of words. “Chicken Abortion” was vetoed by the Vatican delegate. “Güevofrito, Joer”, proposed by Dr. Conrado, of uncertain Spanish origin, was disliked, being apparently a diminutive. But “Entonse Gëvofro, cohone” sounded even worse. The Japanese proposal “Yanopoyito” (and the alternative less familiar Yanopoyo, of course), did not find enough support either. Finally, trends towards the use of Latin words, proposed by the Vatican delegate, were supported by a majority. Although a final co-co-co-co-consensus term has not been minted yet, Ovus regius, Ovus moxabilis, Ovus magnus, Ovus deliciossus gallinarum and similar names were considered. It is expected that a final decision will hatch in the next meeting.

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