Evidence for thoughtographic phenomena may open novel technological fields

Mumler III Jr., W.H., Ghostbuster, J.W. and Eisenbud Jr., J.J.
Jule Eisenbud Institute for Thoughtographic Research, Denver, USA

In the 1960s, Ted Serios, a bellboy who worked as elevator operator at the Chicago Hilton hotel, became famous for being able to obtain photographs of his thoughts on Polaroid film. Although Serios was not seriously considered by most scientists and academics, he was highly esteemed by believers in psychic powers. In the sessions organized by Serios, he seemed to enter into psychic trance by heavy beer drinking, which urged him to run half-naked cursing and yelling around the room of the gathering while attendees shot pictures of him with his Polaroid following his instructions. When developed, films often revealed objects and scenes different from the room where they had been taken, instead of Serios’ own image. He claimed such representations as his own thoughts. It is not clear how Serios impressed films with psychic images. A plausible hypothesis is that he materialized ectoplasm out of his own inner self as subtle photons in a manner similar to the process of ghost embodiment by mediums at spiritism sessions. To test whether thoughtography was indeed achievable, we used state-of-the-art technology to improve a Polaroid camera by adding detectors to capture infrared radiation and low energy hertzian waves, while limiting its sensitivity in the visible range of the spectrum. We call this prototype the Psychic Pollaroid™ (PP). The first experiment was conducted on non-human primates, and results were encouraging: PP-pictures from a group of chimpanzees at the Denver zoo showed strange bent shapes that could be interpreted as bananas, as well as some basic blurred shapes reminiscent of men being harassed by monkeys. Then, we decided to test the device on human beings. Disguised as journalists, we took some pictures of politicians holding a debate at the Parliament. When developed, all pictures were black, leading to the frustrating initial conclusion that thoughtography on humans was not feasible. Moreover, when some Hollywood film stars were photographed with our PP device, normal images of the subjects, such as those taken with a regular camera, were obtained. When the project was about to be abandoned, a member of our research team suggested that the experiments performed thus far may not have been a failure, because politicians could be expected to have nothing in mind and film stars may only think about themselves. In consequence, the PP device might still have taken real pictures of immaterial thoughts. Thus, we took PP pictures of a target population more inclined to have diverse thoughts, such as University professors. Amazingly, PP-pictures taken at an academic convention, instead of representing the physical image of the lecturers, displayed a chaotic variety of random subjects, such as naked young girls, football players, ham, sausages, scenes from TV reality shows, bottles of French red wine, race cars, Caribbean seashore landscapes and Disney features. Interestingly, a picture taken of a professor and a young female student during a tutorial displayed fashion items (fine leather boots and fancy jewels) where the young lady should be and the same young lady naked occupying the spot of the professor. As an example of thoughtography from our sessions at the Campus see the Fig., representing, from left to right, the captured thoughts of the Deans of Chemistry, Biology, Medicine and Economics.

Furthermore, PP-pictures of University students often displayed computer games and beer bottles, while those of Theologists and religious fellows invariably depicted sinful scenes. We believe that our experiments prove that thoughtography is viable. We are currently developing digital PP cameras, that would provide a quicker developing method than Polaroid, allowing the prediction of the future behavior of photographed individuals by visioning their thoughts, as well as PP-video cameras, that could provide real-time reproduction in images of a written story if a person is recorded when reading. Beyond the demonstration of psychic forces, our inventions could have multiple potential applications that might greatly influence human relationships in the future.

Genetic evidence that Elvis is alive

Colonel T. Parker, Jr.
Genome King Inc., Tupelo, Mississippi, USA

One of the major cultural pop icons of the twentieth century worldwide, Elvis Presley, has been the subject of numerous hagiographic and musical studies since he was officially deceased, by obscure causes, in 1977. In parallel, many real events, fortuitous encounters, and true visions have been widely documented since that year, which propose that, actually, Elvis Presley is still alive and spends his days with all of us, as an extra-ordinary person, in the material world. However, no experimental evidence to support this hypothesis has been disclosed so far. Here, we have performed a genetic population analysis of Elvis Presley associated-single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs) to test the possibility that Elvis is alive. A collection of items that belonged to Elvis were obtained from volunteer donors, including Elvis’ male and female fans, putative girlfriends, army comrades, distant relatives, and surviving bodyguards. Elvis’ mementos covered distinct aspects of his personal and artistic life, from a portion of the velvet that covered the microphone touched by him once in the rehearsal of his reappearance at the International Hotel in Las Vegas in 1969, to a foreskin sample rescued from one of his genuine underwear pieces, kept in the safe of Graceland’s vaults. Highly pure DNA was isolated from the collected samples and subjected to fingerprinting using an array of Star-SNP markers, which is enriched for markers for famous and very famous celebrities (Holly Good Deals Inc.). The results were filtered to get rid of residual normal-people markers, and a final fingerprint was obtained that represented Elvis unique SNP profile, with a confidence higher than 99.99%. To search for Elvis candidates, routine blood samples were obtained from seventy-four-year-old male individuals confined to asylums, hospitals for the mentally-ill (where many residents claimed Elvis’ identity), and Evangelic churches in the five continents, as well as from undercover FBI, CIA, and DEA veteran agents. Up to a total of 3,333,333 samples were collected, and run to match the Elvis associated-SNP using the Memphis algorithm. Three control samples, obtained from the scarce individuals of the same age that assured not being aware of who Elvis was, were also included in the study. Remarkably, one hit was produced from the query samples that fulfilled all the requisites to come from the real Elvis. DNA sequencing of the whole genome of the putative Elvis (elvis.1 assembly; under patenting) revealed that, in fact, it contained major Elvis phenotype alleles, including the one responsible of his deepest voice registers and those that helped in the sexual swinging of his pelvis on the stage.

As expected, the selected candidate denied being Elvis Presley at all, and asked insistently to be left alone, refusing also to give his consent for disclosing any personal image or information about him. In summary, our study provides the first genetic evidence that Elvis is alive, and demonstrates that life without Elvis is not possible. Current efforts are in the direction of engineering clone copies of Elvis for their eventual distribution among the general public, in prevention of Elvis’ real death.

LÓPEZ VÁZQUEZ MEMORIAL REPORT

Are scientists honest? A blind study

J.L. López-Vázquez, J. Conrado and J.L. García-Berlanga
Plácido Foundation, Navalmoral de la Mata, Spain.

Scientists have long suspected that many colleagues do not faithfully reflect their experimental methods in published articles, omitting important issues for reproducibility or, worse, deliberately hiding ethically unacceptable dirty tricks that were used through their research aimed to enhance its impact. In order to find whether such practices were common among researchers, we induced a cataleptic pseudo-hypnotic state in the minds of graduate students, postdoctoral fellows and senior investigators from several public institutions in Japan, the United States, Germany, UK, Israel and Spain. A cohort of 333 individuals were examined. Catalepsy was induced by moderate alcohol ingestion (2% v/v in bloodstream, Garrafón Enterprises, Cazalla de la Sierra, Spain), monitored drug administration (700 mg intravenous barbiturates, Shootes-Barbate Pharma, Cadiz, Spain), and visioning of a video displaying a routine session at the European Parliament (3 min). Confessions were recorded with confidentiality so that they could not be used against the individuals. 67.3% of graduate students claimed to have teased on results and cheated on their supervisors. Irreproducibility of expected results was the main cause for this behaviour. Being distracted by sex-appeal of opposite sex labmates was a common trigger for experimental failure. In other cases, proper incubation times were neglected as researchers were entertained chatting at the computer. Fake results were most commonly elaborated by using Adobe Photoshop manipulation of blots and micrographs. One individual regretted having cooked with rice the rabbits he was using to produce polyclonal antibodies before bleeding them. Other, frustrated by not being sure of having mistaken samples #36425 and #36426 in a high-throughput screen, trashed the whole experiment and made up all the dataset out of his imagination. Postdoctoral fellows cheated less (34.5%), but often redacted incomplete or misleading experimental details on the Materials and Methods section of their scientific reports intentionally. A Japanese postdoc attempted to flood their competitors’ labs by changing the real scale of his experiments from microliters to liters. A researcher from Israel only used Kosher reagents to hamper reproducibility of his experiments in foreign labs. Other case dealt with adding irrelevant obnoxious components to buffers, like mercapthanes, just to cause disgusting odours in the competitors’ labs. A remarkable confession revealed that Bioinformaticians mostly drive conclusions from their experiments by discarding all the data that they do not understand, which amounts to 99.6% of the output of their research. Surprisingly, a high percentage of senior researchers made use of voodoo dollies to appease or punish referees and journal editors. Some wet their pants when they receive an e-mail from the journal. A widespread unethical practice was to lock postdoctoral fellows at the lab with a limited supply of food (see figure) when the journal asked for experiments to be performed in a limited time.

We found three cases of fake submissions, e. g., the principal investigator pretended to have submitted a paper and he made the negative comments of two false reviewers himself in order to manipulate the feelings of his fellow researchers in a particular direction. The good news is that about 10% of researchers had never failed to produce honest rigorous and exemplary Science. However, we cannot be sure of this result. For a start, you would have to trust our study.

Parascientific analyses of the human genome favor the hypothesis of a Creator Goddess

Del Oso, J. and Lugosi, B.
Center for Astrologic Technology (CAT), Babylon Hanging Gardens, Utah, USA

The so-called “Post-genomic Era” has notably changed our perspective on Biomedical research. In the latest years, the analysis of all the genetic information encoded by the human genome has been the subject of multiple scientific analyses that bring new expectations on short- to medium-term applications to human health, such as personalized therapeutics, early diagnosis of severe disease based on molecular techniques, etc. It also brings philosophical questions about the genetic identity of the individual, the influence of genetic traits in personality, or even theosophical problems such as aspects derived of an eventual understanding of the molecular basis of intelligence, rationality or even spirituality. However, no parascientific approaches have been endeavored so far to understand hidden messages in our genes that may provide important clues into the aforementioned questions. Here we present the first and pioneering astrological analysis of the human genome. First, based on the well-known fact that cats are the faithful pets of renowned Astrologers, we search for the mystic word CAT in the sequence of the human genome. We found 163,624,049 CATs in the human genome, about 80% of those estimated in the cat genome itself (202,792,379, although this figure may not be exact because the cat genome is not fully assembled yet), proving a strong genetic esoteric link with this mysterious feline. [This bioinformatic analysis was partially funded by the Catalan Government (Generalitat de Catalunya), who was interested in the same topic for linguistic reasons; see gencat]. Next, we tried to find messages written in the genome by a putative “creator”. Finding such messages would not only prove the existence of a superior intelligence, but reveal important messages left by Him (or Her) for us to decipher. By using the Basic Genome Reader algorithm (Palau & Rubio, 1970), combined with visual reading of the human genome sequence by our team of researchers, we were not able to find sensible messages, unfortunately. We found, however, as a side observation, that reading the whole genome triggers in researchers the Baby Tongue Syndrome, a neurological disorder that consists of loss of language abilities in such way that the patient can only say GA-GA, CA-CA, TA-TA and TACA-TACA, being able to communicate only with 6 month- to 1 year-old children. We can conclude from this esoteric genome lecture experiment that either no Creator or God exist, or that if he or she exists, his or her language development is very limited. Alternatively, a hidden code to decipher the genomic messages may be too complicated for our simple minds to understand. If a creator exists, we favor the hypothesis that it is a Goddess rather than a God, because she left her signature “AGATA” several hundred thousand times along the genome. This is in accordance to ancestral Mother Goddess cults in the Bronze Age. We must remark that cats were often associated with female deities in ancient civilizations. We are currently associating zodiacal constellations to certain chromosomal loci in order to find out clues for interpreting important messages from Her that may help us to define the fate of our civilization. Preliminary findings, such as linkage to the Y Chromosome of a Capricornio ascent on Taurus and Aries male individuals who had bad marriage experiences, does not foretell very good news.